Thursday, January 29, 2009

The Lemon Law

blind date–noun
[blahynd deyt]
1. a social appointment or date arranged, usually by a third person, between two people who have not met

Lemon, by Jeff Hayes

Last night I was at a dinner party for a friend’s birthday, one of the gifts he received was a book called The Bro Code. I picked it up and read a couple of pages, hilarious, just laugh out loud funny. I was then told the whole book concept came from a show called How I Met Your Mother, I of course had to go to my favourite free streaming site and watch an episode, which led to two, three… ten. Well you get the picture; I now have a new Distraction (compulsion) to keep me occupied for the next few months.

One of the earlier episodes that I just watched for the first time involved the Lemon Law. Essentially this is your get out of jail free when meeting someone for the first time on a blind date. Such a great idea, especially for those of you who are involved in the whole Internet dating fiasco, you know who you are.

The Lemon Law may be invoked if, at any point during the initial five minutes (300 seconds) of a first date, either party deems the union hopeless and elects to abort said date in the interest of time and/or self-respect. Receipt of this card hereby absolves the Giver from any "Hard feelings" or "Questions" from the Lemon Lawyee relevant to the discontinuance of the date, which may be terminated for any reason including, but not limited to: tawdry attire, breath, homeliness, misplaced/excessive body hair, Long Island accent, public school education, bad credit, no credit, suspicious odor(s).

"Lemon Law" Cards

i) Giver may waive the Lemon Law should Lemon Lawyee immediately consent to a no-strings attached "Stand" duration of which shall be no longer that one (1) night.
(ii) The terms of this agreement are non exclusively transferable, in deference to the emergence of the Lemon Law as a "Thing."
(iii) In the unlikely event of a simultaneous invocation, parties shall exact one (1) "High Five" with neither party officially assuming credit for the Lemon Law issuance.

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