Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Tree

hope –noun
1. the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best

A picture I took in Costa Rica

When my Uncle was a young boy, around eight or nine years old, he came home one day with an average looking branch. My Nana asked what he was going to do with it, his plan, to plant it in the backyard and grow a tree. Well sure enough that branch did grow into a huge tree, big enough that the roots ended up causing some damage to the foundation years later.

Now is he just born with a green thumb, or was it a child’s hope that turned a branch into a tree?
I’ve decided to take on a project and turn an unused portion of my backyard into a summer oasis where I can do my work. So far all I have done is clean the garden area and already there are tulips and some other sort of plants flourishing.

Here’s to hoping that the green thumb is a genetic trait.

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Thursday, April 23, 2009

The Mist

o⋅ver⋅stim⋅u⋅late –verb
1. to stimulate to an excessive degree
2. to expose to excessive stimulation

I don’t know if anyone else experiences the same phenomena, but whenever I am in a new place for the first time I find it hard to take in my surroundings. It seems my vision can only concentrate on one particular thing at a time. I have a centre focal point and everything surrounding is shrouded in a mist. It is as if my brain cannot comprehend this new environment and goes into overload. The side effect usually is that when I return to a place it seems much smaller than I originally thought.

Last night I attended a concert as part of BC Scene here in Capital City. I ‘won’ two tickets from my favourite radio station CBC Radio3, and although my attention was focused on both Dan Mangan and Danny Michel who are amazing artists, I had to blink away the mist that kept crowding my vision. Regardless of my encroaching mist problem the concert, held at the First Baptist Church, was simply amazing, hard bench pews and all.

If you would like to listen to the concert, which was recorded live, it should be available at CBC’s Concert on Demand. You can also see some live videos and read a better review of the concert from Emily Chen.

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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Two Things I Have Recently Learned About Women

con⋅fuse –verb
1. to perplex or bewilder
2. to make unclear or indistinct
3. to fail to distinguish between
I wish I could say I came to the insight through my own trial and error, but not being very bright in the ways of the female mind, anything I have figured out through my own experiences is more than likely incorrect anyhow. This past weekend I learned two ‘truths’ about women, from women. They are as follows:

1) Never, ever, ask a woman her age.
i) Asking a women’s age should only be done to girls in their early 20’s and below.
ii) You can get away with asking a server/waitress her age, regardless of how old she is, as they will answer to ensure their gratuity is above the standard 15%. They may however not tell you the truth.

2) No really does mean Yes.
i) A No in regards to sex, really does mean No.
ii) Three No’s in a row however really does mean No as well.

Confused? I know I still am.

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Sunday, April 19, 2009

The Weekend Dad

tra⋅di⋅tion –noun
1. a long-established or inherited way of thinking or acting
2. a customary or characteristic method or manner
I went to the local diner this morning for breakfast. Usually I enter to find like-minded individuals seeking a simple greasy breakfast to soak up the previous evenings beverages. This morning however I was three to four hours earlier then the regular afternoon brunch crowd, so upon entering I found a whole new group of individuals sitting in the cracked vinyl booths and keeping vigil on the old time chrome stools that surround the Formica counter. Early Sunday morning is apparently the time for the Weekend Dad to take his kids to breakfast.

Seeing all these groups of fathers with their younger children took me back to my weekends growing up. The weekend Dad is a predicable creature. He follows a similar pattern that has somehow been passed down through generations of weekend Dads. The Weekend Dad can be found taking his young children to a greasy spoon diner for breakfast, followed by a trip to a barbershop and maybe a stop over at the ice-cream shop before it is time to go back to weekday Mom’s house. There must be some club where the rules are discussed, guidelines are outlined and agendas are drawn up.

God forbid I ever become a Weekend Dad, (or a Dad for that matter) but if I ever do I am breaking the mould. I’m setting up some new routines. Although when I think of my Dad the memories that first come to mind are the weekend breakfasts, getting my haircut alongside him and going for an ice cream on a Sunday afternoon. In fact many years later, at the age of three decades, I still enjoy doing those things with my Dad… so maybe the traditions should remain the same after all.

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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

2010 Olympic Haircut

vol⋅un⋅teer –noun
1. a person who voluntarily offers himself or herself for a service or undertaking
2. a person who performs a service willingly and without pay
After six months and 11 days I have finally broke down and have gotten the locks cut. Part of me did not want to succumb to society’s rules of ‘get a haircut and get a real job’, but as my interview for a volunteer position with the 2010 Olympics is just an hour away I though it best to look at least semi-presentable.

My whole plan was to get a haircut while I was visiting Hometown this past Easter weekend, however I received such rave reviews from friends and family for my long wavy locks that I couldn’t bring myself to do it. My decision was cemented one evening while standing outside of a pub, a very intoxicated girl walked down the street and said “You guyz are all hot!” referring to the six or so gentlemen, including myself, standing on the sidewalk. As she walked away she turned her head and said “Ezpecially you with the long hair”. Intoxicated or not, she noticed the hair, and my trip to the Hometown barber was postponed.

Upon waking this morning, I thought if I want to get that position with the 2010 Olympics I better take some sound words of advice from Pavement:

”I’m just a boy with a new haircut
And that’s a pretty nice haircut”

Wish me luck.

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Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Making Ends Meat

con⋅fu⋅sion –noun
1. the act of confusing
2. the state of being confused
When I was younger my Nana was trying to explain to me that sometimes in life it is hard to make ends meet. My young, very literal mind imagined this dish, much like a meatloaf or some kind of tasty Christmas cake - at the time I think I thought about mincemeat, something I had also heard about but never had the chance of tasting. I found myself wishing we were a little poorer at the time so I could have the benefit of trying this Ends Meat I heard so much about.

I am not sure how long it took me to figure out that Ends Meat was not a tasty dish for the poor, but in fact was a phrase about struggling to survive. In fact as I grew older and learned how hard it can be to make ends meet sometimes, I found it is not very often that one can afford to eat meat, in any form, either the end or the middle.

In ways I am still a very literal person – I was that kid after all who thought, for more years than I wish to admit, that a Dump Truck was called a Dumb Truck. Even after being lambasted by childhood friends for calling their toy truck dumb, it still took awhile for me to clue in to the proper name.

If you have ever spoken to me in person, you may have noticed that some of the words or phrases that come out of my mouth make no sense. I am probably just confused, and may have been for sometime. So please, do me a favour, correct my vocabulary, trust me, I will not mind.

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Sunday, April 5, 2009

A Complete History of My Sexual Failures – The Documentary

re⋅al⋅i⋅za⋅tion –noun
1. the act of realizing or the state of being realized
2. an instance or result of realizing
After a rash of failures and too many late nights I decided to spend the afternoon in bed watching movies and generally feeling sorry for my hopelessness when it comes to the dating scene. Thankfully I found a kindred spirit in Chris Waitt and his documentary A Complete History of My Sexual Failures.

Of course the title immediately caught my eye, frankly how couldn’t it, and within 89 minutes I was given a view, of what could essentially be my life, into the life a love loser.

After his most recent break-up, Waitt goes on a quest to interview all his past girlfriends, of which, as he reports, they have all dumped him for one reason or another. Along the way he experiments with Viagara and S&M, trying to understand what’s wrong with himself, why he is flawed when it comes to relationships.

If you are failing in the dating game, this may not be a bad approach. Contact all your ex’s, well the ones that will talk to you anyway, and find out your flaws. Get some constructive criticism, and work on your weaknesses.
Or just keep making the same old mistakes.

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Saturday, April 4, 2009

The Chameleon

mul⋅ti⋅fac⋅et⋅ed –adjective
1. having many facets
2. having many aspects or phases
I am pretty sure no one I really know reads this blog (excluding the African Accent), in fact I am surprised anyone actually reads it, but I am once again feeling reflective and thought I would share my thoughts.

A chameleon has the ability to change colour and blend in with their surroundings. To use the word as a descriptive word for humans, I think a chameleon has the ability to blend in with their social surroundings. In short, taking on the personality that fits the moment.

I myself feel I have chameleon qualities. I am not going to get into the whats, whens, wheres and hows, but leave you with this – I feel for my fellow human beings, and will, if the need arises, adapt myself to the situation where a perceived outcome is attainable by said fellow human beings.

To make myself more understandable, if I feel you need some help to obtain a social goal, I will adapt a personification, which leads you to that goal. As every person is different, and is motivated in different ways, I am truly a chameleon in which I will become that personality that stimulates you into action.

So not to ruin the magic, if you know me personally, but my attitude may just be adjusted because I am helping you to achieve your goal. Don’t take my personality to heart, as I said, I am a chameleon and can wear many guises.
The true me, well I am not really sure who that is yet, but this blog helps to give me a little understanding into my own mind.

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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

April Fool’s Day

hoax –noun
1. something intended to deceive or defraud
I’ve always liked a good prank, and felt compelled to set-up an April Fool’s prank on my landlord and his girlfriend last night. Originally I attempted to do the ole’ salt on toothbrush prank, but at last minute I decided against it. Instead I set all the clocks in the kitchen one hour behind. In hindsight this morning I thought it would have been better to set the clocks one hour ahead, just in case there were any appointments that needed to be met today. Better to be one hour early rather than one hour late.

The following is a transcript of the text conversation between my landlord and I:

LL – “Did someone set all your clocks an hour behind too?”

Me – Aprils Fool’s! Hope it didn’t cause too many problems, sorry if it did. Thought about it this morning, should have really set it ahead and not back.”

LL – "You got me for a second, just confused, not fooled. It's not April Confused day. Try again."

Check out this great list of The Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time.

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