Are You Smarter Than An 1895 8th Grader

im·pos·si·ble –adjective
[im-pos-uh-buhl]
1. unable to be done, performed, effected

My grandfather forwarded this email to me the other day. Typically I immediately delete forwards without reading them, but my grandfather is a pretty good screener and will only forward emails of interest. So without further adieu, here is what it said:

What it took to get an 8th grade education in 1895...

Remember when grandparents and great-grandparents stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out. Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895?

This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina, Kansas, USA ... It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

8th Grade Final Exam:
Salina, KS - 1895

Grammar (Time, one hour)
1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters.
2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications
3. Define verse, stanza and paragraph.
4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts of 'lie,' 'play,' and 'run'.
5. Define case; illustrate each case.
6 What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation.
7 - 10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic (Time, 1 hour 15 minutes)
1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft. Deep, 10 feet Long, and 3 ft. Wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3,942 lbs, what is it worth at 50 cts/bushel, deducting 1,050 lbs for tare?
4. District No 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find the cost of 6,720 lbs. Coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent per annum.
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft long at $20 per metre?
8... Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance of which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.

U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, 1865.

Orthography (Time, one hour)
[Do we even know what this is??]
1. What is meant by the following: alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, syllabication?
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals?
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u'.
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi, dis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup.
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

Geography (Time, one hour)
1 What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America.
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco.
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.


HUH??? Are they kidding??? This is hard to believe....
Notice that the exam took FIVE HOURS to complete.

Gives the saying 'he only had an 8th grade education' a whole new meaning, doesn't it?!
Also shows you how our education system has changed and, NO, I don't have the answers!

Although the document in question is real, it is not actually known if this examination was intended for 8th graders. I'm not even going to try to answer these questions, but if you would like to, here are the unconfirmed answers.

If you like impossible tests, you may also like to try the Impossible Quiz.

Chasing Distractions Turns 1!

birth⋅day –noun
[burth-dey]
1. a day marking or commemorating the origin, founding, or beginning of something

Well it is official, I have been writing this blog for over a year now, off and on of course. The year began off on a bad note; I was suffering from a case of depression or some sort of quarter/mid-life crisis. I had just turned 30, broke up with my girlfriend, cut myself off from friends and family and suffered from a bad case of insomnia. It took awhile but I clawed myself back from the brink with the help of many distractions.

Now a year later I’m not sure much has changed. I’m still lonely, I’m still broke, but I have learned something from this all, and that is I get everything I ever want. And I mean everything. All I have to do is ask for it and the universe provides, from careers, to friends to girls to trips and prizes and all the highs and lows that come with it all. I have asked for all of it. The question then remains, why I am I still unhappy sometimes?

Originally I set out to write this post explaining that this blog had a good run, but I’m generally happy now and I have nothing to complain about anymore. Because really, that’s what blogging is all about right? Complaining?

I don't know, maybe I'll just stick around for a little longer.

If you’d like to give Chasing Distractions a birthday present, why not leave some comments, promote my Help Me Volunteer At The Olympics post, or simply donate to my ‘Get Me To The Olympics’ fund.



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Barney’s Version – The Novel

ur⋅ban leg⋅end –noun
[ur-buhn lej-uhnd]
1. a modern story of obscure origin and with little or no supporting evidence that spreads spontaneously in varying forms and often has elements of humour, moralizing, or horror
A few weeks ago I finished reading a humorous, yet somewhat sad tale called Barney’s Version, written by Canadian author Mordeecai Richler.

In a response to a book of memoirs, written by his sworn enemy Terry McIver, protagonist Barney Panofsky decides to give the true version of his life, as McIver’s memoirs paint Panofsky in a very bad light. Panofsky, an old man, recants his time spent in Paris as a young man, how he became a widow, divorced twice, the father of three children, a television producer in Quebec and the suspected murderer of his best friend. Throughout the novel the reoccurring themes are dealing with loss, with guilt, loneliness and the ability a person has to rewrite their memories as to make them more bearable.

The moment I read the last word I scribbled down this note:

Barney’s Version makes me flash forward on my own life, I don’t want to grow old alone

To date I continue my ever-lasting battle with loneliness and each day that goes by I get a little older and a little more certain that this funk is here to stay. In just six short days I will be the ripe old age of 31 and since I started writing this blog nothing has changed for me. I’m still alone. I’m still broke. And I’m still…

Next on the list Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller.



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The Math Behind Getting Ahead

e⋅qua⋅tion –noun
[i-kwey-zhuhn,-shuhn]
1. the act of equating or making equal

When it comes to emails I normally I don’t like getting forwards. The vast majority of them come from family members and usually I just delete them. Every once in awhile a good one sneaks through, so I thought I would share this one that I recently received from my Uncle:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5
= 96%

But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7
= 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

I thought I would do a couple of my own:

S-E-X
19+5+24
= 48%

L-O-V-E
12+15+22+5
= 54%

R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P
18+5+12+1+20+9+15+14+19+8+9+17
= 147%

As you can see it takes a considerable amount of effort to be in a relationship. Basically you have to give it your all and then some to keep it going, a total of 147% everyday. On the other side it’s relatively easy to fall in or make someone fall in love with you, it only takes 54% effort on your part. The easiest of all is to have sex. It only takes 48% effort to ‘get some’; I clearly have been trying way too hard.



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A Place I’ve Never Been – The Novel

fam⋅i⋅ly -noun
[fam-uh-lee, fam-lee]
1. parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not

Although it took me longer than usual, I just finished reading the last few stories of David Leavitt’s novel A Place I’ve Never Been.

Leavitt’s understanding of the human condition is very prevalent in this book of short stories, from dealing with strong romantic feelings that can never be in a friendship between a straight woman and a gay man, to the trials and tribulations of living in a non-traditional family. Many of the stories centre on a similar theme, and that is of loss. Loss of a loved one, loss of a pet, a lost loved that could never happen – and behind it all the deep loneliness we all feel at one time or another.

Deciding to finish this novel at a time when I am feeling a little homesick has made me want to jump in my car right now and take the 600 kilometre trek back to hometown to reconnect with my own family.

Next on the List: Michael Ondaatje's, Coming Through Slaughter


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The Tree

hope –noun
[hohp]
1. the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best

A picture I took in Costa Rica

When my Uncle was a young boy, around eight or nine years old, he came home one day with an average looking branch. My Nana asked what he was going to do with it, his plan, to plant it in the backyard and grow a tree. Well sure enough that branch did grow into a huge tree, big enough that the roots ended up causing some damage to the foundation years later.

Now is he just born with a green thumb, or was it a child’s hope that turned a branch into a tree?
I’ve decided to take on a project and turn an unused portion of my backyard into a summer oasis where I can do my work. So far all I have done is clean the garden area and already there are tulips and some other sort of plants flourishing.

Here’s to hoping that the green thumb is a genetic trait.

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The Weekend Dad

tra⋅di⋅tion –noun
[truh-dish-uhn]
1. a long-established or inherited way of thinking or acting
2. a customary or characteristic method or manner
I went to the local diner this morning for breakfast. Usually I enter to find like-minded individuals seeking a simple greasy breakfast to soak up the previous evenings beverages. This morning however I was three to four hours earlier then the regular afternoon brunch crowd, so upon entering I found a whole new group of individuals sitting in the cracked vinyl booths and keeping vigil on the old time chrome stools that surround the Formica counter. Early Sunday morning is apparently the time for the Weekend Dad to take his kids to breakfast.

Seeing all these groups of fathers with their younger children took me back to my weekends growing up. The weekend Dad is a predicable creature. He follows a similar pattern that has somehow been passed down through generations of weekend Dads. The Weekend Dad can be found taking his young children to a greasy spoon diner for breakfast, followed by a trip to a barbershop and maybe a stop over at the ice-cream shop before it is time to go back to weekday Mom’s house. There must be some club where the rules are discussed, guidelines are outlined and agendas are drawn up.

God forbid I ever become a Weekend Dad, (or a Dad for that matter) but if I ever do I am breaking the mould. I’m setting up some new routines. Although when I think of my Dad the memories that first come to mind are the weekend breakfasts, getting my haircut alongside him and going for an ice cream on a Sunday afternoon. In fact many years later, at the age of three decades, I still enjoy doing those things with my Dad… so maybe the traditions should remain the same after all.






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Making Ends Meat

con⋅fu⋅sion –noun
[kuhn-fyoo-zhuhn]
1. the act of confusing
2. the state of being confused
When I was younger my Nana was trying to explain to me that sometimes in life it is hard to make ends meet. My young, very literal mind imagined this dish, much like a meatloaf or some kind of tasty Christmas cake - at the time I think I thought about mincemeat, something I had also heard about but never had the chance of tasting. I found myself wishing we were a little poorer at the time so I could have the benefit of trying this Ends Meat I heard so much about.

I am not sure how long it took me to figure out that Ends Meat was not a tasty dish for the poor, but in fact was a phrase about struggling to survive. In fact as I grew older and learned how hard it can be to make ends meet sometimes, I found it is not very often that one can afford to eat meat, in any form, either the end or the middle.

In ways I am still a very literal person – I was that kid after all who thought, for more years than I wish to admit, that a Dump Truck was called a Dumb Truck. Even after being lambasted by childhood friends for calling their toy truck dumb, it still took awhile for me to clue in to the proper name.

If you have ever spoken to me in person, you may have noticed that some of the words or phrases that come out of my mouth make no sense. I am probably just confused, and may have been for sometime. So please, do me a favour, correct my vocabulary, trust me, I will not mind.







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Liar Liar – The Life

hab⋅it –noun
[hab-it]
1. an acquired behaviour pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary

Can the liars of the world really be blamed for their character? From the time we are able to speak we are taught how to lie. From Santa Claus to the Easter Bunny and every other silly thing that adults like to tell children, like the stork, the tooth fairy and maybe even God, we are led to believe in something in our most impressionable years and then are cruelly told, usually by an older sibling or a childhood pal in the schoolyard, that everything we have ever believed in, everything that the most trusted adults in our life had assured us is real, is in fact a lie.

You’re taught right from wrong, good from bad, so if Mom and Dad told you a lie about Santa Claus, then lying must be okay right? Is there a line when it comes to good and bad lies? And if so when do you cross it?

Are there good lies, and if so what are they?

• lying to save someone from hurt feelings


• lying to get a job, keep a job, leave a job


• lying to get into a relationship, keep a relationship, leave a relationship


• lying to a child about a mythical being who gives presents

Are any of these expectable lies?

My Papa is a wise man and has handed down many sage pieces of advice over the years – one that I have yet to follow is this:

“If you never tell a lie you will never have to remember anything.”

I have lived a lie many times throughout my life, usually for employment but sometimes for survival. In fact as a writer the only way I get paid is to lie. So where do I fall on the lie scale?

The Lie Scale*

The Occasional Liar
This category pretty much covers all of us, from the person who lies about why they are late for dinner to the parent who tells their children that a rabbit hides chocolate eggs around the house once a year. Most people don’t like to lie and are not very good at it, but they’ll do it to avoid an unpleasant situation or because they don’t want to admit to doing something embarrassing. Think 'You'.

The Frequent Liar
Frequent liars know lying is wrong, but it doesn’t make them as uncomfortable as the Occasional Liar. For this reason, they are more likely to lie regularly and are less likely to reveal lies through their appearance. Think 'Player'.

The Habitual Liar
Habitual liars are fairly uncommon. These are people who have difficulty separating fact from fiction and who say whatever comes to their minds no matter how exaggerated, ridiculous, illogical or untruthful it may be. Habitual liars lie so frequently that they never show physical discomfort, but they are so sloppy with content that they are easy to catch. Think 'The One-Upper'.

The Professional Liar
Professional liars have thought their lies through and know exactly what they’re going to say and when. Because the lie has been practiced so often, it will not be revealed by the liar’s voice, body language or appearance. Think 'Salesman' or 'Writer'.

*Source: Adapted from Various Types of Liars

I am a liar. Don’t believe anything I say. I am telling the truth.



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The Ring & Friday The 13th

ring –noun
[ring]
1. a typically circular band of metal or other durable material, esp. one of gold or other precious metal, often set with gems, for wearing on the finger as an ornament, a token of betrothal or marriage
No this is not a review of some horror slasher flicks, but another memory of mine that has bubbled to the surface. When I was a teenager my mother gave me a ring, a wedding band to be precise, that belonged to my great-grandmother. My great-grandmother, Sadie as she was known, passed away when I was just a baby, but I was said to be one of her favourites.

Sometimes my family has a weird, paranormal type of thing that goes on with them. Well at least in hindsight they feel they do. When Sadie passed all four of her grandchildren experienced something extraordinary. While working on the assembly line my Uncle had a visit from his dead grandfather who let him know Sadie had passed. My Aunt, who was at a gala, suddenly turned white ‘as a ghost’ and had to sit down, she said she automatically knew what happened. My other Uncle, well I can’t quite remember his tale but it was just as amazing, if not more. Sadie, who wanted to see me one last time, although she later declined, as she was afraid the light surrounding her would wake me, actually visited my Mom herself. My Mom later said she woke up on the couch with tears streaming down her face but felt the visit was genuine.

From that day forward my Mom was convinced that Sadie was my guardian angel, and I grew up hearing the tale. When I was about 14 years old my Mom bequeathed to me my great-grandmothers golden wedding band. Four about five to six years I wore that band on the pinkie finger of my right hand. When in a flirtatious mood I would explain that the person who’s finger fit the ring would be my true love, and only they I could marry. Of course I am at my most flirtatious when I am in the drink.

Unfortunately I lost the ring, on one such flirtatious occasion, and have never found it. Some people say the spirit stays with material items, and if that is the case I may have lost my guardian angel. I may have lost a piece of the great-grandmother I never knew, but always felt was there.

And if my drunken flirtatious ramblings where correct I may have also lost the chance to ever meet my one true love.



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