Thursday, May 28, 2009

Life Can Sometimes Be Exhausting

mel⋅an⋅chol⋅y –noun
1. a gloomy state of mind, esp. when habitual or prolonged; depression
2. sober thoughtfulness; pensiveness

Like many stories in my life, today’s reflection involves a girl; well in fact it is a build up of a series of events, all of which involve a girl. Without getting into all of the events in this post, as I hope to share the stories at a later date, today I have discovered one thing about myself – I love to be loved.

I am beginning to think that the many years I have spent alone have not been good for me. As David Leavitt writes in his story ‘Chips is Here’ from his collections of short stories ‘A Place I’ve Never Been’ his character remarks, “I am a pathetic and desperate man”.

I like the idea of someone liking me, and without being able to control it I will fully pursue a relationship with that person, even if my better instinct or gut judgement tell me otherwise. This latest fiasco lasted a total of 11 days, from initial attraction to final realization of my true feelings – if anything I guess I am getting better at it.

Either way, life can sometimes be exhausting.

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cindy adoms said...

Keep on keeping on, C.D.. Everyone loves to be loved. Sometimes this leads me to see things (and people)as I want them to be and not as they really are. It's tough when reality strikes. Humans can be a strange breed! It's difficult (maybe impossible?) to find someone true. And I agree: life can be exhausting.

Chasing Distractions said...

Thanks cindy!
You're right; all I can do is to keep keeping on :-)
I'm hoping this new realization will help me to make better choices in the future.