Side Clapper™

side clap·per -noun
[sahyd klap-er]
1. A music festival device that allows the wearer to clap along with the band while holding their beverage

The Side Clapper™


This summer I did a bit of the music festival tour starting with the NxNE music festival in Toronto. During NxNE I began to realize a certain fact, when holding a beverage, especially one that comes in a brown bottle, it is almost impossible to clap.

During the shows I looked around at my fellow festival goers and noticed that many in attendance holding their own form of beverage would do the same thing as I would, they would either hoot and holler or slap their hip to show their appreciation for the band. I thought to myself, 'the band can't hear me slapping my hip… there's got to be a better way!' For the rest of the festival I shopped my idea around a bit and asked those in attendance that I spied slapping their hip if they think they would benefit from some sort of side clapper. I received some mixed reactions, some for, some against, some "Get away from me you drunk!"… I think they might have been still on the fence about the whole idea.

It was during the next festival, the Cisco Ottawa Bluesfest where I really decided that this device had to be made, if not for me than for the hips of festival goers all over the world. During our late night Bluesfest brainstorming sessions, (where many good ideas are formed dontcha' know?), my pitch was met with much enthusiasm. It was time turn this dream into a reality.

For the next festival, the Wolfe Island Music Festival, I recruited a few friends and together we designed the first ever prototype of the Side Clapper™. Producing only 20 prototypes for the festival my goal was to spread the word, create some buzz and hopefully convince a band to wear them on stage during the festival. Well Dear Reader I am ecstatic to stay that I exceeded my goal. Not only did I create some buzz, but I also pitched the Side Clapper™ to front man Rolf of The Acorn. Much to my surprise, and those festival goers that were wearing their own Side Clapper™, Rolf even took a few seconds out of his performance to explain the Side Clapper™, using almost the same pitch that I had given him the night before.

But don't just take my word for it, I'll let Rolf explain it himself:



The final music festival of the season was the Ottawa Folk Fest, where I once again produced a few more prototypes and tried creating some buzz. It didn't hurt that The Acorn were also performing at this festival. At one point I overhead the following: "See that guy over there? He's the inventor of the Side Clapper™. I was at Wolfe Island last week when he was handing them out."

So where does the Side Clapper™ go from here? Well I'm going to take the Fall and Winter months to design and produce a permanent version and hopefully you'll see me at the 2011 SxSW where you too can get your very own Side Clapper™.


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5 Books For Your Fall Reading List

book·worm –noun
[book-wurm]
1. a person devoted to reading or studying

Once again I have been neglecting this poor blog, for that Dear Reader I am sorry.

I've been so busy Chasing Distractions this summer that I haven't been able to find the time to post any updates. Lots to fill you in on, but one of the top things to scratch off my To Do List is an update for the quasi-Book Club. Plus it will help me to clear off the number of books that are beginning to pile up on my desk.

If you remember my last Book Club update, way back in September of 2009, the next book on the list was Henry Miller's Tropic of Cancer. Well I finally finished it... it only took me about six months. What to say about Tropic of Cancer, other than Miller sure does love to throw the 'C' word around. I'm not sure if this is a work of pure fiction or just the drunken ramblings of a starving American writer living in Paris with the stories of his cohort's exploits thrown in for good measure. But who knows, maybe I missed the point entirely.

After those gruelling six months the book reading was back to one every week or so. The next 4 books for your reading list are as follows:

Bite Me is the next instalment of Christopher Moore's own Vampire trilogy. In typical Moore style Bite Me is a funny easy read. In fact I chewed through this one over a long weekend in May while lounging at the cottage.








I went back to another of my favourite authors and read back-to-back Palahnuik novels. The first was Pygmy. With its broken language writing style it reminded me of an Irvine Welsh novel. Not too much to say about this one, unfortunately once you know the author's style the ending becomes a little predictable. Overall Pygmy was a good read.





Ever wonder what goes on backstage of a porn set? Well Chuck Palahniuk's novel Snuff will answer that very question. Cassie Wright is going for a gangbang record, 600 guys, and each one has their story to tell. Although this novel also summed up with a predicable ending, the path taken to get there was enjoyable.






Last on the list was a novel I really enjoyed, The Unbearable Lightness Of Being by Milan Kundera. Although quite sad at times I really felt connected with a number of the characters. I highly recommend this novel to anyone who likes a good read.







Next on the list, and currently 130 pages in, is The Master and Margarita written by Mikhail Bulgakov. I can't wait to tell you all about it.

Well that about sums it up for me tonight. Until next time, happy reading.


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Honest October

hon⋅es⋅ty –noun
[on-uh-stee]
1. the quality or fact of being honest
2. truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness

Sober September came and went without any problems. People are still a little unsure why I bother with my 30-days of abstaining from alcohol, I like to look at it as a bit of a cleanse, a nice little break for my liver and a personal challenge. Life can get boring pretty quickly without ever challenging yourself, testing your mettle as it were.

So in that respect for the 31 days of October I will not tell a lie – from a little white lie to a flat out big lie – they are all completely off limits. In honour of this challenge I have officially dubbed the month of October Honest October.

Trying not to lie for 31 days can be challenging for anyone, but especially for me. Like many of us I carry my fair share of secrets about my personal life. My professional life however is entirely based on lies, as a writer that is essentially my job, to lie to you. In order to make this challenge work I had to set up a few guidelines for myself:

1) Anything to do with work is exempted from the challenge.
2) If I am asked a direct question that would require lying to save a secret, well I have the option to just not answer the question.
3) I have only told 2 or 3 friends, and now anyone who reads this blog, about my challenge. This is a personal challenge to be honest, not a month of confessions.

Sober September, Honest October, I wonder what I should do for November? Any suggestions?



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Sober Septembers

tee⋅to⋅tal⋅er –noun
[tee-toht-ler, tee-toht-]
1. a person who abstains totally from intoxicating drink
For the 4th (or maybe 5th) year running I am off the drink for the month of September. With only a week to go I have never felt better – well in actuality I feel no different at all. The only difference can be found on Saturday and Sunday mornings. As a typical social weekend drinker (i.e. binger), my day-to-day routine never included the drink, other than those odd days where a spontaneous social event happens on a school night.

Speaking of school night, tomorrow is my first quiz in the Latin, wish me luck or Bonam Fortunam!

Back to the drink, or lack there of. One thing I have noticed, which is a bit shocking, happened last Sunday afternoon. Typically I spend Sundays doing absolutely nothing. Just lounging around the house, watching movies, reading etcetera. Quite often on these lazy Sundays, or neked Sundays as I have dubbed them, I would come down with a case of the emotions. These random crying, laughing emotional outbursts usually brought on by commercials – yes for some reason commercials make me tear up. I contributed these uncharacteristic emotional responses to the hangover and a body that was chemically out of whack. However, the same emotional outburst happened last Sunday when not a drop of alcohol had been involved. Either my body is still cleansing the last of the toxins or I am slowly going crazy (one-two-three-for-five-six-switch-crazy-going-slowly-am-I-six-five-four-three-two-one-switch…).

Many have asked why I do this – why take 30 days off each year? ”Is it for Ramadan?” they ask. No it is not, as I am not Muslim. But hey, if you really need a reason, then ya sure, it’s for Ramadan.

In short Sober Septembers are great way to transition from a Soused Up Summer to an Alcoholic Autumn. So tell all your friends, maybe together we can make this a nonreligious/spiritual annual fast.

Only one week left. Man, am I ever thirsty.



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Gray Days Make Me Feel Blue

im⋅pul⋅sive –adjective
[im-puhl-siv]
1. actuated or swayed by emotional or involuntary impulses
These overcast gray days always make me feel blue. I can’t help but look at my life on these days and feel sorry for myself. I guess I need more vitamin D.

Speaking of gray, the other day I found not one, but three gray hairs. It’s a sad state of affairs when you realize you are getting old and there is nothing you can do about it…

It is these type of days I mourn for my wasted life – being broke, lonely, and growing older by the minute I decided to give online dating one more shot.

This time things went well. Maybe it was luck of the draw, my slimmed down profile, or new profile picture, who knows, but I received many more contacts than I did before, from people that actually seemed pretty decent too.

I started a 2-week long correspondence via email with one of the people I connected with and a few days ago we met up for a date. In my mind it went well. Great conversation and laughs, I felt I was just charming enough and that there was some chemistry between us, but in the end I was wrong.

Maybe I blew the ending by not sealing the deal with a goodnight kiss, I didn’t want to be presumptuous, I am a gentleman after all. Or it could have been the text messages I sent not 10 minutes after the date stating what a good time I had. It might also have had something to do with me adding her to Facebook the next day, (she never did accept my friend request) whatever it was I never heard from her again.

What can I say, I’m impulsive, and in her I saw everything I wanted in a relationship. Came on too strong, or just not right for the dating world?

Whatever it is I better figure it out soon because I’m getting tired of doing everything alone and pretending to myself that everything is going to be okay. It’s exhausting.



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